so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
