How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When are your genitals available?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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