You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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