Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
