I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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