Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
