we're blogging at a bar
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
