Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
