that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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