Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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