Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
