mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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