i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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