Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
