Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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