Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
