hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
