Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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