we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize