This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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