i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
