p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
