You work out of a Hotel?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
