My first STD was from a foam party
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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