i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone came in the potted fern
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
