I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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