Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize