Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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