OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
