This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
