Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
