they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
