nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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