Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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