Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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