Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
