I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
