well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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