If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
