I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
