question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
