awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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