So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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