his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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