there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
