So drunk its hurt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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