What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
