just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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