I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
