Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
