hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
