I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
