just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
