i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
