What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
