Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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