I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
