rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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