Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
