she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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