you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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