; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
