Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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