you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's blow job season.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
